Wednesday 6 April 2011

I'm an Idiot

Got our midyear reports today, which means the horrid parent teacher interviews. all would have been fine if the following combination of events hadn't occurred;

1. i had to wear my sister's skinny jeans. this made me feel like i was...i don't know how to describe it...jiggling?...with each step.
it is the most mortifying feeling in the world.
i know no one else cares, or even notices, but -I- do.
 it just made me feel like crap, which made me feel over emotional already

2. as far as I'm concerned my report was horrible, I'm sick of putting so much effort into everything and only getting mediocre results back.
no matter what i do i can never be good enough, and I'm most certainly never ever the best.

3. i suffered from an unexplained panic attack in the middle of a brief encounter with my Indonesian teacher, who asked me to return later...i didn't.
that's going to be awkward tomorrow... :P.
i walked through the school almost gasping for breath...i must have looked insane or something....
i ended up just walking home, almost got hit by a car. under the suggestion of my best friend, E, i immediately grabbed my doona and a cup of tea....kinda reminds me of when i was 5, and that's what my neighbour would give me (she was like my grandma) whenever i was upset. as far as comfort food goes, its not too bad :P

all in all, a pretty crap day. i spent the majority of it crying, got no homework done, and I'm sick of these god damn panic attacks.
its hard enough to get through the day with just the general stress...i don't know how i can keep going like this....

on a side note, pretty much on a whim, about a half hr ago, i decided to try a semi-vegan diet for the next week.
we'll see how that goes, I'm not expecting much but...i almost think it'll be fun.
who knows, i may like it :P

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